i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
