somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
