I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
