if i can run in heels then i can drive
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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