i just had sex bonerless
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
