Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
