she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
