Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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