She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
