yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
