If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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