hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
