they need to just BURY HIM!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
