Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
