I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
