Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
