Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize