it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
