dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
