Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
