forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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