why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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