I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
