thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
