Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize