so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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