i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
