its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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