Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
