It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
