we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
