i think my tv is drunk
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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