i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
