Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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