She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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