I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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