dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This is the high leading the old right now
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
