just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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