I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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