So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
