dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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