If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize