Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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