I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
