my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
