I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
