Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
