I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize