oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
