feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
