just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
