The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
