The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
