fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
