I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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