christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
