Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
