My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
