I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There's always time for handjobs
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
