is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
