She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
