I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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