suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
