so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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