I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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