Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize