i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
