Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
